Worse Games To Play
by stephi-247
Summary: Katniss thought surviving the Games was the hardest thing she would have to do. She learnt soon enough that her problems were only just beginning. She doesn't know if dealing with them as Mrs. Mellark will make things better or worse.
1. Prologue

**A/N:** _This is a once off author note, sorry for the length! This fic will be something of an emotional rollercoaster and if you're not prepared for that, best to turn around now. AU from the Victory tour onwards. Prepare to feel happy and surrounded by fluff before being drowned in angst and then hopefully made to laugh and vice versa._

**Disclaimer:** _This story is based on Suzanne Collin's Hunger Games Trilogy. I am not making any profit from this and no copyright infringement is intended._

**Warnings:**

- A little bad language: _I'm Australian, bad language just… happens._  
>- Sexual Content: <em>Some parts of this fic will be sexually explicit and if you are not at the proper age to view this content in your relevant jurisdiction, please leave (hey, I have to say it!)<em>  
>- Violence: <em>Probably not a lot. I don't do big war battle scenes well. But some, no doubt.<em>  
>- Character Death: <em>Hopefully not as much as in the actual series, but will remain to be seen.<em>  
>- Drug and Alcohol referencesuse: _Nothing too drastic and not even a minor plot point._  
>- Character Manipulation: T<em>hey are deliberately OOC, please refrain from informing me of this.<em>  
>- Potential inconsistencies in grammar and tense: <em>I proof read everything multiple times but first person and present tense are so not my usual but I am trying to be authentic. If you notice anything, please feel free to tell me and I will fix it.<em>  
>- Dark content: <em>I can't list things here, because a) spoilers and b) not set in stone yet as my later chapter planning is flexible and fluid, but there could be some potential sad angsty things which could trigger some people. Please be aware this story will have some darker more mature elements and if this could be a problem for you maybe best not to read. I don't want to seriously upset anyone.<em>

**Updates: **_Will be on Mondays (Possibly your Sunday as I am basically head of the timezones). However, I am easily persuaded to write and post early if I get lots of good or bad reviews! I love to know what people think, constructive criticism is always appreciated!_

**Summary: **

"This is your life now. You are a victor, a mentor and forever in love with Peeta Mellark." In a world where Katniss need not return to the arena before the revolution, she finds that learning to love Peeta is quite easy, especially when compared with the other games she has to play.

****

**Worse Games to Play**

**_Prologue_**

I really should be surprised at myself.

I'm not of course, I suppose deep down I knew this would happen. The price to pay for winning the games is that ironically, despite the houses and the riches, the life you have isn't the one you would have wanted.

I chance a glance at Peeta and I feel a stab of annoyance, the way he looks angered and pained by this when he should be happy, he's getting what he wants.

"Very funny, sweetheart. You don't want to take me seriously? Be my guest. It's your ass on the line here." Haymitch drawls, leaning back in his seat and swigging back his ever present glass of drink.

"I'm not joking. You said yourself that this is our future, why not make it official? We're going to have to eventually and since the world's a stage now it seems stupid to not utilise an opportunity for such a big display."

I'm met with silence, Haymitch looking thoughtful and Peeta with that same anger, his hands clenched in fists so tight I'm sure it must hurt. I only have a chance to narrow my eyes before Haymitch draws back my attention.

"I suppose you've got a point. Now that there's no opportunity for self-sacrifice and risking lives and yadda yadda I suppose the whole marriage deal is your best bet. What do you think, Peeta?"

Peeta raises his glance to meet Haymitch, eyes focused deliberately away from me and I feel guilty for the first time for a reason I can't place.

"Whatever, sounds good." He answers, before standing and storming from the room, closing the door behind him with uncharacteristic force.

"What even? What is he doing? I thought he wanted this." I spit out, glaring at the door he exited through, as the sting of rejection hits me.

"Not like this, he wanted it to be real, he wanted you to want it."

I close my eyes to try and block out the realisation and the guilt knowing that Haymitch is right, that Peeta deserves so much better than this and I'm not the only one that this Capitol game is hurting. We're playing together and we're going to spend the rest of our lives playing together.

I suppose I should start learning how.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I massage my cheeks, trying to dull the ache that persists from so long spent smiling. Peeta notices this and laughs, walking over to me after slipping off his jacket and replacing my hands with his.

"It's been a tiring day for you, let me run you a bath." I nod and he smiles, leaning in to kiss me gently and the action makes me smile despite the discomfort doing so causes. Haymitch was right, I could do a lot worse. In fact, I'm fairly certain I couldn't do any better.

As Peeta goes toward the bathroom, my eyes sweep the room, pretending to take in the lavish features while checking for surveillance cameras. I don't notice any but I'm not stupid enough to take comfort in that. I'm sure Snow takes as much pleasure in watching the wedding nights of the nuptials he orchestrates as he does the children who must fight to the death in the arena.

I pull myself from my dark thoughts and kick off my towering heels, stumbling as my ankles assume an ordinary position. With the lost height the bottom few inches of my dress have rested on the ground around me and I hitch up the many layers of silk and tulle in a way that would give Effie a heart attack before making my way towards the bathroom. Peeta is leant over, turning the taps off, the sleeves of his shirt pushed up to his elbows and his bowtie loosened and when he notices me his expression is so genuine it takes my breath away.

My eyes glance over the large tub, filled with water I know is the perfect temperature and covered in a layer of the thickest foam I'd seen and I realise Peeta must have been considering my modesty when he chose it.

Such a simple gesture is almost enough to bring me to tears. That he knows this wedding was not of my own volition. It brings the full understanding of Haymitch's words to me, that this isn't how he wanted it. He wanted it to be real.

I try every day to make it so.

"Could you undo my dress?" I whisper and turn my back to him and within seconds his hands begin to fumble the long line of pearl buttons which run the length of my back. His hands brush against me occasionally and they're warm and comforting and I miss the touch as soon as it leaves me. He manages the last button, which sits in line with the flimsy white underwear Effie was excitedly brandishing for me as she worked with my prep team this morning. I'm sure that Effie is sharper than most of the Capitol and given how well she knows us, the fact that she believed my excitement for the wedding is proof enough I was convincing. I turn to face Peeta, my dress in place only by my hands which grip the top of it and as Peeta moves as though to leave me in privacy, I let it drop.

My face immediately flushes with embarrassment as I stand before him, in nothing but my tiny underwear with my dress pooled at my feet. Cinna had designed the dress such that there was more than adequate support to keep my small breasts in place. So much so that Peeta is most likely disappointed with the sight and size of them.

When I chance a glance at his face disappointment is the furthest thing from how I would describe his expression and I'm sure I blush deeper as I try to name the look on his face.

I can only describe it as hungry.

The thought brings back the tingle in my thighs I have spent the weeks leading up to tonight trying to learn and understand. Swallowing my pride and asking Effie for help was well worth it, I never could have done this otherwise. The movie - if I could even call it that - she stole from Haymitch for me was instrumental in my education.

"Turn around." I tell Peeta and my voice has taken a husky tone I didn't know I was capable of but by the way Peeta's jaw slackens before he obeys, I can only assume he likes it.

I slide off my underwear, which although leave very little to the imagination, they hide enough that at least I will have something of my body Peeta hasn't seen later.

I step into the bath and I was right that the water would be perfect and I lower myself until only my neck and shoulders is visible above the foam before I tell Peeta he can look.

"Would you wash my hair?" I ask him and he smiles at the request in a way that lets me know I've said the right thing. Saying the right thing is slowly coming more naturally to me. He kneels beside the bath and gently his fingers work at releasing my hair from the elaborate style it's in, making a small pile of pins, pearls and jewels beside him. When he finally can run his fingers through my hair without them catching, he goes to the sink and takes the small cup that sits with the extensive variety of toiletries, from which he selects an assortment of products before returning to my side.

"Maybe you should take your shirt off? It will probably get wet otherwise." I tell him nervously.

"Good thinking, Kat." He replies smoothly and as he slowly unbuttons his shirt, before shrugging it off, I'm fixated on him.

Despite seeing his bare chest in the games the experience feels new and I try to memorise every inch of his skin. It's paler than the rest of him, just as I suppose mine is and whether he's always this way or he suffered with wax too, his chest is hairless. His two small nipples have hardened at the exposure to the cool air and it takes a surprising amount of restraint for me not to reach out and touch them.

Peeta is looking at me slightly confused and I'm sure my face showed the same hunger that he did when he saw me, only that is not an expression he expects me to make. He knows that I don't love him the way he loves me.

When Haymitch told us on the Victory Tour that this was our life now, I was less upset than I should have been, it was more weary acceptance than any kind of anger. Peeta was the reason I had a life at all. If not for us being the star-crossed lovers I never would have gotten the sponsors, been loved by Panem, truly become their girl on fire. To spend my life being loved by Peeta was not the worst fate that could await me. Over the last few months, I have tried to learn to love him back.

When he makes me feel like this, I wonder if I'm almost there.

I press my legs together and try to ignore the growing ache between my thighs and Peeta moves back to the edge of the bath and with one hand shielding my eyes he slowly empties cup after cup of water over my head, thumb rubbing patterns on my temple and I'm so relaxed I allow myself a pleased sigh, knowing Peeta will want to hear it.

His hands pull away from me and I tilt my head toward him, worried that he didn't like it and notice him opening a small bottle of the shampoo Flavius is always telling me to use.

When his hands make contact with my scalp and begin to rub the shampoo into my hair, it is nothing like Flavius' brisk and efficient strokes.

His fingers press hard and move torturously slow over my scalp and my back arches in pleasure and the movement causes my breasts to come into view and despite being covered in foam, the dark pink of my nipples is unmistakable. In embarrassment I go to return beneath the water but I think of the effect seeing his body had on me and tilt myself further, wanting him to look at me.

I can tell he's noticed because the rhythm of his fingers changes and he moves faster, alternating the pressure and I can't help but moan slightly and I never would have thought having my hair washed could bring such a sound from me but I can tell by Peeta's sharp intake of breath that he likes it and I try not to be embarrassed as similar sounds escape me when Peeta's hands continue to explore my scalp, finding spots of sensitivity I never knew existed.

"Peeta." I breathe and I arch my back further out of the tub hoping it will make my meaning clearer. "I'm still covered in all this glitter from my dress, would you wash it off for me?"

His hands tremble as they slide down to my shoulders, gently massaging them with his still soapy hands. He lingers too long though, clearly nervous and when I tell him I think my shoulders are clean his movement is hesitant, before he gently runs his fingers and then hands along my collarbone and chest, but staying above my breasts and I groan, shifting further out of the water and I'm pleased that the foam is sliding off my wet body, leaving my skin open to him.

"Lower, please." I ask him and when his hands slip forward to cup each of my breasts he's rewarded with a deep moan at the contact and my head tilts back and meets with his chest and when I open my eyes his glance moves from his hands on my chest to my face and when I lick my lips he takes the hint and leans forward to kiss me.

His hands are much bigger than my breasts, but he holds me such that his fingers and palm are able to gently apply and remove pressure whilst his thumbs sweep in circles over my nipples. I've tried the same thing recently but the pleasure Peeta doing it brings is tenfold what I brought myself to experience and as I moan against his lips I can't help but bring my hand between my legs.

I fail in my attempt at subtlety and the slight splash as I move draws his attention and when he looks back to me, his eyes are confused again.

"You're really enjoying this." He murmurs, a statement for the purpose of any watchful eyes, but I know well enough he's asking me.

"Yes." I breathe and Peeta stands to pull me from the bath, hair still soapy and dripping wet, I wish that I could have had the sense to send him out during my bath so I would look somewhat desirable for him when I met him in bed but Peeta doesn't seem the least bit concerned as he takes a towel from the wall and slows begins to dry me. I cross my feet and hold my hands in front of me, in an attempt at some modesty which he pretends not to notice. He starts with my hair, which really needed rinsing but I can't bring myself to complain about it.

He moves to my shoulders, arms and back, kissing each part as it's dry before he focuses intently on my breasts. He's massaging me with the towel long after the last drips of water have disappeared and he hesitates, but after taking in the lust I don't doubt I'm staring at him with, he leans down and captures my breast in his mouth.

I grip to his shoulder when my knees buckle and cry out in pleasure as he gently sucks my nipple into his mouth before pulling back.

I'm panting and he moves to drying my feet as though nothing happened and I can feel the tension building inside me as his hands move up my calves and thighs, before moving to my behind, and when his movements slow, I wait in breathless anticipation for him to move between my legs.

Instead, he stands, leaning in to kiss my neck and as his tongue traces my ear, despite the close proximity, I barely hear him whisper. "We don't have to do this."

"Yes we do." I murmur and I can tell by the way he grips my shoulders tighter that my words hurt him so I force down my embarrassment at the admission and continue. "But that's okay because I want to." He pulls back to study my face at these words and despite how much I want to keep my eyes focused on the tiles, I take a deep breath and look him in the eyes. "I was so nervous I asked Effie for help and she stole one of Haymitch's dirty DVDs for me to watch. I... I've been trying to practice by myself. Trying to think about what we'd do together and trying to do it with... my hands and..."

"Katniss." He breathes and the awe on his face makes my heart ache. "You touched yourself... Like, like _that_ thinking about us? Me doing things to you?"

I nod nervously and Peeta groans and wraps me in his arms and kisses me. One hand tangles itself in my hair, tilting my head so his tongue can move further in my mouth and the other gently grips my behind and the touch makes me tingle and when he presses our hips together I gasp.

"Peeta, I'm going to get your nice pants all wet." I whine as he grinds his hips against mine, sending waves of pleasure over my body.

"That's right, I did forget to dry you there." He says with a cheeky grin.

"The bath isn't really the problem down there…" I say, hiding my head on his shoulder in embarrassment .

It seems the last of Peeta's self-control snaps at my admission and he lifts me, bringing my legs around his waist and when he brings his hand around to my behind I'm expecting him to support me with it, but instead he slips his hand between my legs and when one of his fingers slips inside me my hips buck against him and I gasp, shifting my hips lower to move him deeper and he indulges my desire, moving his fingers in and out of me and my eyes slide closed as he pleasures me. It isn't until I feel the hard bludge in his pants as he shifts his weight and his hips move against mine that I realise I'm having the same effect on Peeta he has on me. I tighten my legs around him and as I start to rub against him he moans and his fingers quicken. I press harder as I move and he rewards me with another deep noise of pleasure and he moves forward until I feel my back press against the wall. He uses the stability to grind himself harder against me and I whimper as his movements stimulate the most sensitive part of me.

He stops for a moment, worried he's hurt me but the way I say his name must make it clear he hasn't, because he resumes his movements, slipping another finger inside me as he does.

The fabric of his pants is soft, but rough at the same time and as he moves quicker and my legs shake I'm reminded why I stay away from that spot, it's too much for me. Peeta is panting and his fingers are pressing into me in a way that I know this feels good for him but I need him to stop.

"Peeta, it's too good, I can't take it, I'm going to burst." He moans as I say this and presses harder, and my whole body is trembling in his arms.

"You can, please, Katniss." He insists and I squirm in his arms, trying to get away from the pressure and I clutch at Peeta as it threatens to overwhelm me. "Burst for me, Katniss."

As he says this, the pressure in me peaks and as I feel it explode I let out a terrified little scream which breaks into a moan as waves of pleasure wash over me. I thrash in his arms as he rubs harder and harder against me and as the pleasure begins to subside, Peeta stiffens and moans my name, hips jerking erratically against me a few times before he stills.

"Peeta... What was that? Did… did you feel the same thing I did?" I ask after a few moments of silence and he lets out a breathy laugh, panting and he loosens his grip on my legs so I can stand with him. My legs are still shaky and I tighten my grip on him to stay steady.

"I did. I figured I better so that later when we… well, nevermind."

"What was it?" I repeat, ignoring his embarrassment and as he shifts against me I can tell that the hardness from before has disappeared and wonder if it thats normal.

"An orgasm, love, I thought you said you touched yourself?" His tone is cheeky and I immediately feel embarrassed, as though I've been doing something wrong.

"I always stopped when it started to hurt like that." I mumble.

"It stopped hurting right? It felt good didn't it?" I can hear the fear in his voice and I hide my head in his shoulder so he can't see how red I am.

"I want you to make it happen again."

"Oh, Katniss." He moans and he takes my face in his hand when he kisses me. He pulls back and I see his face lit up with a brilliant smile before he sweeps me off my feet, the way he carried me away from the wedding and after lowering me to the bed, he stands back to admire me and I squirm uncomfortable under the heat of his gaze. "You are the most beautiful woman I will ever lay my eyes on."

"It's not fair how much looking you get to do. It's your turn to take some clothes off." I tell him indignantly and he laughs, before slowly reaching down and undoing his pants. He hesitates and I am overwhelmed by the need to reassure him. "I need to know every part of the man I'm… I'm… I'mfallinginlovewith."

I say it so quickly I'm sure he missed it but the way his eyes widen makes me know he caught every word. Peeta told me he loved me often and when he said it late the night of our engagement, I promised him I wouldn't say it off camera until I could mean it the same way he did. I know I still can't match what he feels for me, but I know that in time I will and if nothing else, tonight, when we're going to do this, I need him to know that much.

In response he allows his pants to drop and my eyes sweep every inch of him, from the tip of dark pink I see poking out the top of his underwear to the hardness of his artificial leg. I sit up and beckon him forward and he doesn't stop me as I slowly run my hand down the front of his underwear. He's hard again and I can feel the stickiness, the evidence of the effect I have on him and my curiosity overcomes me and I bring my hand to my mouth and lick the residue from my hand and Peeta moans again. I look at him confused and he just shakes his head, reaching to remove his underwear until I grip his hands.

"Let me." I tell him and I slowly pull them down and when his manhood springs free of his underwear, a combination of fear and arousal sends heat pooling between my legs. "You're perfect." I whisper and in an attempt at showing how I'm learning to love him, I lean down and press a soft kiss to the tip. He gasps again and I think of his earlier actions and I cautiously wrap my mouth around him, sucking gently as I pull back, relishing in the drawn out moan he makes.

"What made you do that?" he pants as he stares at me in disbelief.

"It felt so good when you did it… here." I allow my hand to brush over my breast so I don't have to say the words. "I thought it might feel good for you, too."

He climbs onto me, one leg on either side of me, his body hovering over me and he leans forward, bring my breast back to his mouth. This time he doesn't draw back and I squirm underneath him as he sucks on me, tongue dancing over my nipple until I'm begging him, what for, I'm not entirely sure. He pulls back and grins, before moving down to sit towards the end of the bed at my feet.

"Katniss, show me how you touch yourself."

"What!" I gasp, my legs instinctively moving together despite the desire his words bring about in me. I shake my head frantically, embarrassment overwhelming me and it takes his hands on my thighs, gently pushing them apart to make me look at him again.

"Relax, you don't have to, I just want to know what you like, how you bring yourself pleasure. I want you to show me how to make this better for you."

"You showed me what I like." I whisper, biting my lower lip as his eyebrows raise. "Nothing I have ever done felt as good as the things you can do to me."

He closes his eyes and I see him breathing deeply and when he looks at me he smiles.

"You have no idea how good that makes me feel. Can I try something new?"

"Are you going to… just… be gentle."

He leans forward to brush my hair off my face and the tenderness of the gesture relaxes me.

"Not yet, but I will always be gentle. Of course."

"Then what are you-" my question is cut off as I squeal when he lowers his head between my legs, pressing his tongue to me. He gently runs his tongue up and down along me and I spread my legs further apart despite having half a mind to stop him, embarrassed as I am that his mouth is _there_, when he carefully spreads my folds with his fingers before sucking on me. My sharp intake of breath is far too high pitched for my liking.

"Found it." He chuckles to himself and I push myself up onto my elbows to frown at him.

"Found what exac-ah-" My hands clutch at the sheets as he does it again and I resist the urge to kick him as he laughs at me again.

"This spot, Katniss, it's called your clitoris." His fingers make small circles over it as he lifts his head to wink at me and I groan at the contact. "I'd heard enough about it that I knew it was important to making you feel good but I didn't know if I'd find it."

As he gently lets his fingers brush over the spot, watching me with such love, I realise properly for the first time that once the games happened, even if we didn't need to keep up with the star-crossed lovers façade, that this would have happened anyway. That the bond we forged from the moment I called his name in the forest, to putting those berries in my mouth, ready to risk dying so I need not kill him, could never be matched. That from then on, I needed him, that he was part of me.

"Peeta, I'm ready." I whisper and his fingers still and I can tell from his expression he's asking if I'm sure and when I nod and he gently lies himself on top of me, I thank god I let mother give me a shot of her expensive Capitol birth control medicine. I know Peeta wants children, but I know he understands that I couldn't do that.

His thoughts must have taken the same track as mine because he leans in, lips brushing my ear as he whispers and I'm filled with hate for a moment that we can hardly even speak freely on our wedding night.

"I'll… pull out, just before I-"

"I've taken care of that." I interrupt him, under the guise of kissing his neck and he nods, slowly bringing his hips towards mine and when I feel the tip of him slide along me I gasp and I feel him smile before he slips slightly inside me.

I had expected pain, but it's more of a discomfort, like I'm being stretched more than I should. When he stops, he's panting and I take deep steading breaths, as I try and relax, spreading my legs further to accommodate him.

"I was so happy I got you there before, I figured it would help everything relax and make this easier for you. I don't want this to hurt you if I can help it."

"I'm okay, you can move." I tell him, giving him a playful push with my hips. He draws back slowly and gently pushes himself back in and I hold back from wincing, knowing it isn't possible for him to do anything more for me than he is already doing. His pace doesn't pick up, staying slow and gentle and after a few minutes, I begin to adjust to the sensation and I can tell he fits better inside me. I lift his head so I can face him and from the way he is biting his lip I can tell the self-restraint is torturous and in that moment I want nothing more than to bring him pleasure.

"Peeta, I want more." I whisper and he groans, drawing back out and pressing into me harder. I gasp as his hips press against my clitoris, which must be exposed with my legs so far apart and each time he thrusts his hips towards me, they slide along the wetness he gathered there and although it still overwhelms me in a way that hurts, knowing what follows, I'm desperate for his every movement. "God, faster, please."

"Katniss, I can't, I'm already so close, I won't come before you."

"I am too, please, I need-" I lift my hips in rhythm to meet his and he whimpers, fingers clutching tightly at my hair but if it hurts I can't tell because I am lost, unable to think of anything but the pleasure that begins to rise rapidly inside me.

"No, no, no, oh god- Kat, please, I-"

"Yes, Peeta, please, don't stop." I beg and as he groans, his thrusts turn sporadic and this time when I feel the pleasure shatter inside me I'm ready for it and my back arches into him and when he moves to desperately rubbing against me, in place his thrusts the pleasure spikes again and I forget myself as I grind myself against him in return and I feel myself tightening around him and after a few moments I start to slow my movements as the pleasure refuses to ebb and when we slowly stop, him still inside me, I am filled with a satisfaction I've never known.

As Peeta pants above me, gently pulling out of me but not moving away, I run my hand up and down his back and I think that learning to love him as deeply as he loves me won't be so hard.

The TV across from the bed turns on and I stupidly pull away from Peeta, to cover myself with the blanket. Peeta's hand resting on mine calms me and I shake my head.

"Just a stupid Capitol broadcast." I say with a nervous laugh but he doesn't match my humour, turning to face the television and I frown at his lack of response, until my eyes are drawn in the same direction as I see President Snow on a podium in front of screaming Capitolites. "What-"

"Shh!" Peeta insists, gripping my hand tighter and I oblige, eyes focusing on the box of cards in front of him. "The reading of the card…"

Before I have a chance to ask Peeta what he means, Snow clears his throat and dread pools in my stomach and I know whatever he has to say is not something I want to hear.

"This year marks the Seventy-Fifth Hunger Games and our Third Quarter Quell." The screams from the crowd sicken me and I return Peeta's desperate hold as Snow pulls out a card with the number 75 on it. "As you all know the Quarter Quell marks a rather special games, to keep fresh the horrors of the Rebellion so they need never be repeated." He glances down at the card and I am sure Peeta's fingers will break beneath mine. "For the third Quarter Quell, to remind the rebels of the damaging effect the Rebellion had on population sustainability, both tributes from the district will be female."

Peeta wraps me in his arms as I scream and all I can think of is Prim and how as my sister the odds are definitely not in her favour.


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N:**_ I was so sad by the lack of reviews! But all the favourites and follows were enough to keep me posting on time. These two were the only two prewritten chapters, some reviews will motivate me to keep writing on time! :D_

**Chapter 2**

The bliss of finding how to love Peeta is all but forgotten and the remainder of our wedding night spent with me sobbing, Peeta's arms holding me and helping me keep a grip on sanity. I wish that we had had an evening wedding like the organisers all wanted because at least his announcement would have waiting until the next morning. Instead I insisted on a morning wedding in the Gardens, with the reception being a garden party which Peeta and I managed to escape in time to watch the sunset from the hovercraft which delivered us to our suite. At which point our few guests from 12 left, catching the train home so that their travel could be completed overnight. Peeta and I were supposed to return in a few days, using the top Bridal Suite the Capitol had to offer to get ourselves acquainted as husband and wife. I wonder if Snow knew what that card held, deliberately held the announcement when he did as another punishment for my defiance. I suppose the girl who outsmarts the Head Gamemaker doesn't deserve a blissfully peaceful wedding night in his eyes.

We arrive at the station the moment they begin operating and demand they take us back. As we are ushered on the train and away a few minutes later, I make a mental note of the power I have over the Captiol idiots with the furious Girl on Fire routine. No doubt that will come in handy later.

A pair of Avox arrive not long into the journey, placing a platter of pastries and a pitcher of orange juice in front of us and though the food repulses me, I thank them, eyes fixed on the beads of condensation that run down the glass.

When I finally glance at Peeta, who has remained by my side for every moment of the hours passed since the announcement, I feel a pang of guilt as he watches me with lines of worry etched in his face. Peeta who has always protected me, even from things so far beyond his control. Who deserves so much more than I can ever offer him.

"I'm so sorry." I whisper, gripping his hand. "I wanted last night to be special and I ruined that."

His lips press to mine with none of the heat and all of the love I felt from him the night before. I open my eyes as he leans his forehead against mine.

"This is not your fault. You're perfect. Last night I made love to my beautiful wife, gave her pleasure I thought I would never have the chance to and held her in my arms until morning. Last night I learned the girl of my dreams was starting to love me. That is what you gave me and that is more than I could have ever dreamed. Anything else was the Capitol and you need not be sorry for anything of that. You never need to be sorry for anything with me, I love you."

I nod, wanting desperately to say the words in return, but knowing I shouldn't, not until I mean them the way Peeta does. I need to really know the words first.

The majority of the train passes in near silence. The Avoxes come and go, replacing the untouched food in front of us.

"Peeta you should eat something." I tell him, breaking the silence as a platter of sandwiches so gourmet I can't even name the fillings is put in front of us.

"I'm fine." He answers, pressing a kiss to my temple which fills me with warmth and only fuels my determination.

"If you don't eat something, I will, to stop all this food going to waste and this nauseous that will only make me feel worse so you're effectively making me sicker if you don't eat."

He chuckles at my reasoning and shifts to face me, keeping his left hand reassuringly on my thigh as he reaches out and take a cutting of the least offensive sandwich from the plate. I watch him eat for a moment before the question that has been plaguing my mind tumbles from my lips.

"Peeta how are we going to watch these children die every year?"

He pauses with the last bite on its way back to his mouth and he drops it, letting it fall with disregard that would make effie shriek at his manners to wrap his arms around me. In the tightness of his embrace, I feel my fear just as strong in him.

"We do everything in our power to save every single one of them. That's all we can do."

We don't move, even when the Avox girl returns to pick up his forgotten sandwich and take away the tray of food. She doesn't return.

When the train pulls up to the station Peeta stands first and offers his hand to me. I take it gratefully and slowly we disembark the train and Peeta leads me through the streets, the town almost empty as twilight slowly moves to night, until we are standing outside my house.

He leans in to kiss my cheek and I grip his hand tightly before releasing it and turn my head to lightly peck his lips.

"I'll be around later." I tell him and he smiles at me and I can tell he waits for me to go inside as I make my way to the door, something that makes me smile even as I slip into my house out of his sight.

I don't expect what awaits me in the living room.

I stand frozen at the sight of Gale standing with my mother and Prim and all three seem equally shocked to see me.

"Katniss, what are you doing here?" My mother asks, crossing the room toward me. I allow her to embrace me briefly.

"I saw the card last night, I had to come." Prim rolls her eyes and I raise an eyebrow at the unexpected attitude.

"Trust you. Honestly, I can't believe you give up your honeymoon in the top bridal suite in the Capitol to fuss over me. I do not need fussing. I'm fine. This hardly changes the odds at all. I have one more chance at being drawn out. It's no big deal." The tone in her voice stuns me and I'm reminded once more this is not the little girl who I volunteered for in the reaping. She's growing up too fast.

I take the moment to look at Gale, his fists clenched by his side and I wince. He'd been expected at my wedding, as my cousin, but was apparently down with the "flu" on the day. The day Haymitch told me my life was with Peeta, I accepted it was time to let Gale go. Despite my insistence it wasn't necessary he severed the tie completely, having hardly spoken a word to me since. Seeing him right now hurts and for a moment I'm glad he wasn't at my wedding, so I didn't have to deal with this feeling yesterday.

"Thanks for the medicine, Mrs Everdeen." Gale murmurs and I watch him walk out without a word. It hurts a little more.

"Seriously, Kat, unbelievable, please go across the street to Peeta, coming home the day after your wedding, ridiculous." I can tell her words aim to distract me from Gale and I try to let them. I glance over at Prim, smirking at me in a way that makes me blush. I can't believe she is talking this way after the Quell announcement yesterday. I look at my mother and notice the embarrassment at Prim's suggestion mirrored on her own face.

"I'm so scared for you." I whisper and she softens and all at once, I feel like the little sister. It was supposed to go the other way, with me comforting her, dealing with the pain together. I wish for her bravery.

"If my name does come out, I'll have you with me every step of the way." She whispers in return as she hugs me, before holding me at arm's length to smile. "Besides, they all love me in the Capitol, you'll have sponsors for me lining up out the door, I don't think I could want for anything."

I laugh nervously and this time when she orders me across the road, I obey and when I let myself in Peeta rushes to me, seemingly concerned by my quick return.

"Turns out Prim is the brave one after all, sent me straight home, rolled her eyes at me in fact."

Peeta laughs and embraces me, his hand rubbing soothing circles on my back.

"She gets her strength from you." He tells me and I shake my head because returning from the arena has made me weaker, not stronger.

I'm not sure how long we stand there, but when I finally pull away, I tell Peeta what I know to be true.

"She's going to be reaped again. Because of what _I_ did and this time I can't protect her. I can't volunteer and no matter what she says, if they want her dead, no amount of sponsors will change that."

Peeta promises me she will be safe. That her name being drawn last year means she has only one entry this year. It would be too suspicious if it was her one name in thousands drawn again. That she is right and the Capitol loves her too much that her being reaped would cause more trouble than my stint with the berries. As I start crying, he lifts me and carries me up the stairs to his bed, where he gently undresses me and in just my underwear lays me under the covers and after doing the same, climbs in beside me. His hands brush over my hair, my face, my shoulders and he kisses me and tells me everything will be fine.

I spend the night falling into snatches of sleep before being pulled up mercilessly by dreams of Prim in the arenas of every Games I can remember. Watching her drown, burn, butchered, freeze. Each time I wake screaming and Peeta pulls me closer to him, his gentle whispers bringing me back to sanity until the next episode.

By day, Peeta joins me at home where he teaches Prim to bake and just like that she begins to create the beautiful cakes she always admired. I watch them and wonder to myself how many days in the arena I will be able to keep her alive. She asks me to sing, to dance with her and knowing she will die I can't refuse and despite myself I laugh as she swings me around the room, smile at Peeta's eyes fixed on me as though I am the most beautiful sight in the world. I go to town and buy the most stunning dress I can find because she deserves every wonderful thing the world has to offer and I need to fit in everything I can in the limited time left.

By night, nightmares plague me worse than ever before, until I am too afraid to sleep and despite the tiredness that overwhelms me, I am thankful because it allows Peeta a brief reprieve from being pulled from his own rest by my screaming.

The night before the reaping is the worst and in my sleep deprived state, I can't hold back flashbacks of all the worst things I remember from the Games. Watching a girl from 9 decapitated by a particularly bloodthirsty Career. Cato's moans last year as the mutts tore painstakingly at his flesh. A young boy who must have been barely twelve crying for his mother before the last stages of dehydration consumed him. Only each time it is Prim. Suffering every horror the Capitol produces to torment the Districts. I cry all night as the images assault me and I can feel Peeta's own tears as he holds me until the sun rises, when I tell myself that today, I need to be just as strong as Prim.

It is that thought which allows me to pull myself from the safety of Peeta's embrace to pull on my clothes from the night before. I long to simply crawl back in, almost wishing for the morning of a year ago, where I was so convinced of her safety I hardly considered her, before I was a Victor, haunted by the memories of the time that had come to pass. I remind myself of the dangers of living in the past, think of my mother, who almost allowed us to die when the past trapped her and when I think of all the future children who will be reaped and will depend on me, I know I can't do that.

Peeta stands to dress and I gently push him back to sit on the bed and study his face, the dark circles that weigh down his eyes, the tightness of his jaw as he considers me just the same and I smile, knowing he needs me to be strong too and lightly kiss him.

His eyes flutter closed at the contact and when they open he manages to smile back at me and allows me to lower him back to the mattress and cover him with the blanket.

"I'm going over to see mum and Prim, you try and get some more rest. I'll come back later because I'll need your help if I'm going to pull Haymitch out of it, he's been drunker than usual since they announced the Quell."

He mumbles a protest but as I shush him and sit on the side of the bed, running my fingers through his hair, he soon drifts off and I slowly creep from the house, hoping he can stay free of nightmares while I'm gone, before making my way across the street and opening my door silently in the hopes that everyone is still asleep.

I'm met with the sight of Prim in the kitchen, hovering over a cake as she ices it and it amazes me how quickly she can master almost anything she tries. Knowing the fate that awaits her I wish that she had shown some form of aptitude in hunting.

I'm reminded that Prim is a healer, not a hunter and I wonder how I'll ever get her out alive.

It's then that she notices me and she smiles widely, causing me to smile back at her.

"Happy Hunger Games." She trills and her imitation Capitol accent is so much better than either Gale or I ever managed. I ignore the stab in my heart as I think of Gale. "And may the odds be _ever_ in your favour." She must feel bad at the look on my face, because she sobers immediately. "Okay, not funny. I knew today would be hard for you though and I remember you and Gale mocking the accent and I thought it would make you laugh. Did you sleep at all? You never slept well, let alone before a reaping."

"Stop fussing about me, Prim, I'm safe, it's you I'm worried about."

She puts down the piping bag and takes a deep breath before looking back at me and when she does, she is so much older than thirteen.

Thirteen. Even if she is safe I have four more years to worry for her like this.

"Kat, the odds could not be more in my favour given the circumstances. It could have been so much worse, the year Haymitch was reaped, the last Quell, the district had to produce twice the number of tributes." I feel my eyes widen and I wonder how I never knew this. "If I have to be reaped, this would probably be the best time for it. I know you'll disagree but I would feel my odds are better in a group of females than with the likes of that Cato from last year! None of that is the point because I'm going to be fine, but you're going to have to mentor whoever is unlucky enough to get drawn from now on and even if you had a Victor every year you will still have to watch one of them die and _I _am the one that's scared for _you_."

She finally cracks and when her tears fall I rush forward to embrace her and we cry together for a moment before Prim pulls herself together and stands back, wiping her eyes.

"Now, please, Katniss, last Panem saw you was as a beautiful bride, let's not fall quite so low as this."

I laugh despite myself and allow Prim to fuss over me and the selection of dresses Cinna sent me to choose from. I indulge her and try them all on and when she's torn between two I tell her I want the orange dress and she doesn't question and as she zips me into it, I smile, sure that this is the sunset orange Peeta meant. When we're joined by my mother, she fusses and I let her braid my hair the same as last year. Prim takes the opportunity to go get herself changed and when she returns in her new dress, I watch as my mother tears up and tells Prim we'll leave her hair out because she's perfect as is.

Peeta arrives with a tray of cheese rolls as my mother is going over the last few finishing touches over my hair and I try to give him a stern look, because he obviously didn't stay asleep but as he looks me over in my dress, I can't help but smile and he puts the tray on the bench and comes forward and hugs me. I forget for a moment my mother and Prim stand by and when Peeta picks me up and spins me around the sound of surprise I make is enough to make them both laugh and draw the pair of us back to the present. He puts me down and steps back, hands rested on my waist and when he smiles at me, it's so bright I can almost forget it's reaping day.

"You are the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen, Girl on Fire." He whispers and I blush, pulling away.

"Can you help me make sense of this makeup? I insisted I didn't need my prep team since they spent so long going over me for the wedding but I didn't consider being required to do this myself."

As I sit before Peeta, he paints me and I find myself entranced by the look of concentration on his face. When he finally sits back, I can tell by Prim's gasp that he's done well. He hands me a mirror and I wish I could have Peeta every time because I look like myself, but radiant with just my eyes decorated, each lidded by a subtle but glowing sunset with orange blended into a deep red and finally a perfect twilight purple.

"You're an artist." I tell him, and he laughs, leaning forward to brush his lips against mine.

"It helps that I have such a beautiful canvas to work on." He replies, standing as he checks the time on the clock on the wall. "Portia sent me a stack of ties with my suit, I figured they must colour match the dresses you got. I'll go get changed and we'll tackle Haymitch together in ten minutes?"

"Deal." I tell him and grip his hand briefly and he returns the pressure, before saying goodbye to Prim and my mother and leaving.

Prim grabs another cheese roll – I'm sure that must be her third by now, I'd never understand how she still stayed so thin – and grins at me.

"You look so _beautiful_, my girl on fire." She breathes and I flush pink and throw the cushion beside me at her and she laughs as my mother scolds me for my temper and begins bustling about in the kitchen.

"I'll make some coffee for you to take over to Haymitch. I'm sure you'll need it today." I notice her hands are trembling but I don't comment and when she gives me the mug, I let my hand grip hers, silently promising her that if the worst should happen, that I will get her out of there safely. She nods and when she turns to fuss over the crumbs Prim is getting on her dress, her hands and voice are steady.

I step outside and the breeze is unseasonably chilly and I carefully make my way down the few steps at my door where I wait only a few minutes for Peeta. When he exits, the slim fit of his pants and the broadness of his shoulders as he turns his back to lock his door makes my face flush and I quash down the moment of desire I feel, which is quickly replaced with disgust that I could think such a thing with the reaping today. When Peeta approaches me I turn and walk swiftly to Haymitch's house, pushing open the door which isn't properly closed, let alone locked, before he has a chance to touch me.

"Wake up, Haymitch!" I yell and the noise doesn't rouse him so I place his mug on the table before slipping the knife from his hand and throwing it across the room where it lands with a clatter on the tiles before I slam my fist on the table by his head.

He jerks awake and I step back away from him before he swings at me. He squints at me and barks out a short laugh, settling back in his chair.

"Ah, look at you, all girl on fire." I shove his cup of coffee towards him and he raises his eyebrows when the force causes the liquid to spill over the sides. "Easy, sweetheart, you need to warm up for the cameras."

I feel Peeta's hand on my arm and I pull away from him, eyes still fixed on Haymitch. Seeing him amused at my anger succeeds only in fuelling it but I force myself to take a deep breath.

"We'll be expected at the Justice Building in thirty minutes. Peeta, make sure he's dressed and don't let him drink anything. I need to take my sister over."

My mother insists we leave when I return, stressing the importance of my punctuality and the nagging is so reminiscent of Effie I resist the urge to laugh, wondering which of them would be more horrified by a slip in my manners.

Effie is her usual self when I meet her at the Justice Building. I struggle to focus my attention on her as she excitedly tells me the whole Capitol is still talking about my wedding and how she was offered a promotion but she _chose_ to stay with 12 since we were 'all _so_ exciting now.'

When she asks me why I didn't arrive with Peeta I am conscious of the cameras and manage a small laugh.

"You should have seen the state Haymitch was in when we got there. Peeta offered to get him cleaned up and ready while I bought my sister over."

Right on cue the pair appear, Haymitch appearing as though Peeta managed well to keep him away from the drink and I approach Peeta, leaning up to kiss his cheek and as Effie sighs and fusses about how we're the romance every person in the Capitol wants to have, I feel sure the cameras captured that moment and it will be broadcast somewhere at some stage. No doubt they will run another television special on us after these Games to keep the Capitol entertained.

If Peeta is confused by the change in my behaviour, he hides it well, his arm slipping around my waist with ease. I manage to keep myself from shying away from his touch.

"Places, everyone, places, we're on a very, very strict schedule, we need to be ready for air at two!" Effie insists, ushering us around to our respective places.

As the proceedings drag on, I wonder how Haymitch stands this every year. I suddenly sympathise with his tendency to be particularly incoherent.

As the speech describing the rebellion is read out, my eyes sweep the rows of children before us. The group is half the size, with the boys all standing safely with their parents, granted a reprieve this time. I wish for the first time that I didn't have a sister.

The Mayor ends and I join in the mandatory applause that follows and when it stops, the silence makes me reach for Peeta's hand, my earlier disgust at the thought of him touching me after my reaction to him is overwhelmed by the desire not to face this alone. When he squeezes it reassuringly, I resist the tears that threaten me and thinking of Peeta's art on my eyes is enough to make me smile and hold it in.

When he reads the names of the previous Victors it seems strange hearing my name called out after Haymitch and followed by Peeta's. I smile graciously for the camera, knowing to do otherwise would not be particularly wise at this stage.

Effie makes her way up after the Mayor's introduction, if anything, more glowing and excited than last year. Hardly surprising considering last year she was groped at by a drunk Haymitch on national television and playing escort for the district which was effectively the laughing stock of Panem. This year we are the stars, Peeta and I the most recent Victors, the first pair of Victors from the same games no less and Haymitch the Victor from the last Quarter Quell. As I consider this I doubt Peeta and I will have a moment to ourselves for the whole trip to the Capitol.

"Happy Hunger Games! And may the odds be _ever_ in your favour! How exciting it is to be here with you, to share this historic Quarter Quell! I just know after the successes of last year that this year is going to be simply fabulous." I resist the urge to laugh at the way her sentence goes up as if this last sentence is a question, the way it makes her sound just a little uncertain. "Now, ladies- well, let's meet our first lady."

Even through the thick coat of makeup I can see her face flush a little at the slip up, the Quarter Quell ruining her traditional 'Ladies first'. This year, with only one reaping ball to draw from it is immediately at her side and I grip Peeta's hand tighter as she pulls the slip from the ball, I close my eyes, breath caught in my throat through the moment of silence.

"Janine Brackett"

The relief at not hearing Prim's name is short lived because my eyes snap open since I know that name far too well.

My eyes catch on Janine and she manages to remain calm as she walks towards the stage, taking a stand behind Effie, eyes set straight ahead boldly. She was the year below me in school, which must make her sixteen now. She was the eldest in her family of five and though she still had her father, the coal miner's salary couldn't support them all and despite her mother's wishes, she defiantly took tesserae for all seven of them every year from her twelfth birthday. I know it was against her mother's wishes because they lived only a few houses away from us back in the Seam and I would hear them scream at each other about it at the same time every year.

"Lovely, just lovely." Effie says excitedly, patting Janine affectionately on the shoulder. As she reaches back into the glass bowl my mind is snapped right back to Prim and as I see her in the crowd she stands tall, serene and totally calm, in stark contrast to the other faces around her. I remember I need to be brave for her and try and mimic her pose in my seat.

When Effie unfolds the next slip of paper, when she draws back slightly and the shock is evident on her face, I hold back the bile as my worst fears are confirmed. She knows that name. Prim is coming with me.

"Marie Brackett." Effie calls out and I double take, eyes finding Prim who smiles at me and is safe just as Janine screams from the stage.

Effie seems just as surprised by the commotion and Janine runs from the stage, startling the Peacekeepers who rush to follow her and it takes me that moment to realise the name belongs to her sister.

I don't know which sister it is until Janine embraces her and my eyes catch on the girl who is such a combination of Prim and Rue any elation I felt for Prim's safety drops from my stomach.

She must be twelve, the odds as far in her favour as they could be because I can tell by looking at the pair that Janine would never let her take the tesserae. She is dumbfounded and doesn't react as the Peacekeepers tear the two apart and drag Janine back on stage, with Marie simply following.

I see the rare moment of sensitivity on Effie's face and I can tell that despite the enthusiasm she has for the Games, even she is having trouble stomaching the sight of Janine, who just moments ago was so calm and collected, now frantic as she watches powerlessly as her sister joins her on stage.

"Well, shaking hands then." Effie tells them with none of her usual bubble and a weakness in her voice I haven't heard since she said goodbye to Peeta and I before our Games.

When the girls grip hands before Janine wraps her arms around her younger sister, the thought strikes me and I throw up in my mouth, gripping Peeta's hand as I choke swallowing it back down.

At least one of these girls will die.


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N:** _Sorry for the delay! I had computer/internet troubles! However I will most certainly be on time with next chapter which means only 4 days instead of a week? Sorry again and thanks to all my new reviewers and favouriters I've decided to whore myself off a little and once I receive 10 new reviews I will post the chapter early (Generally give me 24hrs from reaching 10 to finish things I haven't and allow for timezones etch aha.)_

**Chapter 3**

Getting from the stage to the train where we await the tributes as they say their goodbyes is a blur to me, but when we make it into the familiar dining area, I come to myself and I scream, taking a bottle of wine and throwing it with all my might to the opposite wall.

I see the shock on the Avoxes' faces and when Haymitch dismisses them they don't hesitate and I take another bottle and hurl it at the door they exited through. I feel Peeta's arms embrace me and I struggle to pull free as he pins my arms to body, muttering beautiful things to me trying to calm me even as I scream at him and it's the pitcher of iced water Haymitch dumps over my head that silences me, staring at him in disbelief.

"Get it together." He hisses and the tone in his voice is enough that I force myself a deep breath and nod once, Peeta cautiously releasing me from his grasp. "You can't do this."

"They're sisters, Haymitch." I whisper. "I used to live a few houses away. They have five children, I would listen to Janine fight with her mother about tesserae, her brothers wrestle in the street until their mother would scold them for making such a mess of their clothes. It's not fair."

"They should be honoured to represent our District." and from the look he gives me, I know he is telling me that we could be overheard. I nod sharply and he quickly embraces me, crushing me to his chest. In spite of myself I grip him back just as hard. "This is your life now." He breathes into my ear. "You are a victor and mentor and forever in love with Peeta Mellark. Most of the time you're not faking the latter and I'll still be here to mentor you through the rest. We're always in the games, Katniss and you can never win, so quit crying and start playing if you want to stay alive."

He pulls back and I nod again, taking a deep breath and smiling at him and the expression is hard to force.

"I suppose it just bought me right back to last year and I only wished I could volunteer for her. It's such a shame they didn't get drawn in the reverse order, I just know Janine would have volunteered and it would have been a _breeze_ to get her sponsors when the comparison to me was so easy."

Haymitch barks out a laugh and Peeta looks between the two of us confused.

"The comparison? What, is she a headstrong pain in the ass too, eh?" Haymitch asks and I roll my eyes at him, crossing my arms and feigning my best look of arrogance. It's not hard when despite knowing he is trying to protect me right now I know he can care so little for the children he watches go to their deaths.

I suppose when you're up to forty-nine and fifty and only two have come home it's hard to let yourself be attached. I vow not to let myself become like him.

Even if it destroys me.

Peeta must be aware that some secret exchange has occurred because he shifts into gear flawlessly, sitting me down on the couch and fussing about how I've not been myself lately and he doesn't understand where all my mood swings are coming from. He suggests that we go see a proper doctor in the Capitol to get me checked out and Haymitch snorts, suggesting I'm pregnant.

I let it slide, because if anyone troublesome did hear my outburst, it gives a nice cover and the way Peeta squeezes my hand, I know it will be a cold day in hell before he lets that happen.

Haymitch calls the two Avox back, asking them to clean up and as they do I apologise in the most sincere voice I can fake, telling them I've been feeling out of sorts lately, even going so far as to allowing my eyes to flicker down to my stomach for a moment. When Haymitch starts drinking, I hold a glass to him to fill he shakes his head, clicking his tongue.

"Better not let you drink, sweetheart, just in case and all."

I immediately regret letting it slide.

The Avox begin bringing in food and I despite the disgust that still upsets my stomach, I eventually go and take a bread roll and then throw another to Peeta, who fumbles it before getting a grip. I tear mine in half as I return to the lounge with a boat of gravy I claim for myself to dip the bread in. Regardless of everything, the food is amazing after days of hardly eating and I groan in pleasure as I swallow, with Peeta choking on his bread causing Haymitch to burst out laughing.

"I am not drunk enough to watch him get hard over your eating noises, Katniss, get a room or cut it out."

In my embarrassment I throw the other half at my roll at him, just as Effie chooses to walk in with the Brackett sisters behind her.

What follows as the train starts is a five minute lecture on how she thought this year might be better considering Peeta and I had some semblance of proprietary and she leaves us alone only an hour and we're already throwing food at one another like Neanderthals. I'm not sure what that's supposed to mean but I assume it is some kind of insult to my manners. She wraps it all up by telling us the standards she expects in the Capitol and how she won't accept this kind of behaviour.

I allow myself to be thankful to Haymitch for having the sense to have the evidence of my earlier outburst cleared.

"Here you are lecturing us on manners when you leave our guests of honour standing and don't introduce them. Good one, Trinkett."

Effie straightens abruptly and bustles about making more fuss than necessary as she introduces the two girls, settling them at the table and snapping at the rest of us to join them. They're sitting side by side and Peeta and I take the seats across from them, leaving Haymitch and Effie to take either end.

It's almost like we're some messed up family.

"So, first off, she's got to be the one to get out safely." Janine says, as she piles her plate with the lamb stew I was so fond of last year.

"Eat that slowly, or it will make you sick, trust me." I warn her and she offers me a scathing look in return.

"Did you not hear me? I said she's the one you save, not me."

"I heard you perfectly well, but considering I assume you'd like to remain at this table discussing this for some time, I figured I'd start with some advice to keep you here rather than puking your guts out all night."

"Katniss, table talk!" Effie trills, exasperation evident in her voice but Haymitch laughs.

"It's like dealing with you all over again." He tells me, shaking his head serving a dollop of stew on his plate and then swapping it with Janine's. She yells indignantly at him in response and Effie sighs, putting down her cutlery to cover her face with her hands. "She's right, take it slow or you're not going to do yourself any favours. I know how to make you pack some weight on before the arena and shovelling down food so you spend your nights, as Kat says, puking your guts out, isn't the way to do it."

She relents and watches me as I scoop up the food with my fork and bring it to my mouth. She copies and I see Effie smile as if this is the first sign of hope she's seen all afternoon and it must please her, because she doesn't even bother to purse her lips at the terrible grip this girl has.

I glance over at the young girl and the pain hits me as she is staring glumly at her plate. Twelve is too young, she's still so small.

"Marie." Peter whispers and though we all look at him, he has eyes only for her and when she glances up at him, he contorts his face into the stupidest expression I've ever seen, all crossed eyes and poked out tongues and a small giggle escapes her and I soften, watching as the girl across from me does the same.

Haymitch is right, it's going to be like dealing with me all over again. And I hate small talk.

"It's our job to help you and keep you alive and it is your job to accept that we know best and to listen to what we have to say and _do_ as we say no matter how much you might hate it. If I hadn't learnt to listen to Haymitch I can almost guarantee I would have died in that arena. In fact, every time I have disregarded what Haymitch has told me, it has almost gotten me killed."

The two girls hang onto my every word as the others stare at me in disbelief. I suppose no one expected me to take the reins like this. I can't really believe I have either.

"The games have already started, I could see in the way you carried yourself to the stage that you know this Janine." Haymitch continues and she nods sharply, allowing herself a small smug smile. "It's obvious you forgot this the moment your sister's name was drawn, but luckily since you plan on protecting her, that will all play in very nice with how we play your image."

"You guys have a huge advantage, because everyone is watching District 12 this year. Katniss and I are still a hot topic from last year and Haymitch won the last Quell so we are right in the spotlight. This means not only will everyone be interested in you, even more so since you're sisters, but we are in the best position of any of the mentors to get you sponsors. I'm sure you saw last year how vital those were for us. As far as the odds go, they're definitely looking to be in your favour. We've still got plenty of time to talk strategy though and it's been an emotional day, let's all have a bit of something to eat and a bit of downtime so you can spend some time together, maybe have a bath and get yourself feeling your best before we watch the reaping replays tonight. We can go from there."

I take Peeta's hand to show him how thankful I am, that he always knows just what to say and when the girls agree, I stand, taking him with me, ignoring the knowing look that Haymitch gives me and drag him from the room. I open the door which leads to my quarters and am surprised to see the small suitcases we each packed for the Capitol at the end of my bed. I should have realised that us being married reserves us the right to share a bed now.

He wraps his arms around me and I allow myself to relax as he holds me.

"I was so thankful that Prim was safe that for just a moment on that platform I couldn't bring myself to care about either of those girls." I whisper, hiding my face as the shame of the admission overwhelms me.

He kisses me head and draws my chin up to face me.

"Every year before I joined the reaping, when someone who wasn't my brothers was chosen, I would silently cheer. We're all guilty of it. You're allowed that moment. I know that every other moment after that one you will spend doing your best to help them."

"This morning and again right now, I couldn't stop thinking about how much I want you to take me to bed like you did after our wedding and I'm disgusted with myself for thinking about something so trivial when there were so many other things my thoughts should be directed at." As I say the words I can't work out which confession I'm more ashamed of.

I feel him relax in my arms, gripping me tighter before pulling back. I suppose he was still worried about my behaviour this morning then.

"Katniss, even when there are other things that need doing, you still deserve time for yourself. Tonight," his voice drops and it's that same husky tone that sounded so foreign on me, but on Peeta it makes me weak at the knees. I can feel his breath on my neck as he moves closer to my ear and I clutch tighter to his shoulders. "once the girls are in bed and there is nothing to do, I will bring you back here and make you forget everything but me."

The promise makes me want him more desperately but he pulls away, giving me the same smile he does my mother when he brings the bread for dinner at my place and he opens the door, gesturing out of the room, as though his statement was nothing out of the ordinary.

I think it will take daily promises like that to get me through the next few weeks.

He nudges me through the door and I follow him back to the sitting room, noticing the girls and Effie gone, no doubt she is shepherding them around train before settling them in their rooms and politely suggesting they bathe, but Haymitch still sits, making good progress on the food and the liquor. I return to my seat, piling my plate with food, intent on trying to dull my appetite for Peeta with it and Haymitch chuckles.

I turn to look at him, along with Peeta who has just turned on the television. Haymitch takes his napkin and wipes his mouth in a rare display of eloquence which makes me believe he has all these manners and turns them off solely to rile up Effie.

"Well that was fast, poor form, Peeta." He says with all the seriousness he can muster and even as I upturn his plate so that what is left on it falls in his lap, he leans back in his chair and howls with laughter.

"Bugger off, Haymitch." Peeta says calmly, and we're both stunned silent by the casual curse which is so uncommon for him and he sits beside me and takes my hand to kiss the back of it before turning his attention to the food. "Katniss just needed a moment, if there'd been any going-ons in there you'd have certainly been aware being just a few doors down."

Haymitch laughs again, banging his hand on the table with mirth as I stare at Peeta with disbelief. I'm torn between my desire to slap him and tear his clothes off and when he gives me the cheeky grin I've grown accustomed to when I know he is stirring me, I settle for focusing my attention on the television and folding my arms, hoping they understand that I hate them both right now.

"Perhaps this job wouldn't have been so bad these last twenty-five years if there had been someone else suffering with me to make fun of."

Haymitch's words soften me and I serve him some stew to replace what I tipped into his lap and offer my napkin to him and after standing and pushing the majority of the food off his legs he accepts it and he wipes his hands as he sits back down. I look pointedly away when his attention turns to cleaning his pants.

I eat slowly, because whilst I eat so much better now the cooking we do at home is never as rich as the food I am served by the Capitol. I can't help but feel that after the next few weeks of this Cinna will be taking my dresses out, not in.

"So, before we start on those girls, ground rules for you guys." Haymitch says, with a mouth full of food.

"We have rules?" I question him and I can tell by the way he snorts that my displeasure is obvious.

"Well of course, sweetheart. This is your first games as a mentor, you need to know how a few things work. First off, don't get emotionally attached. Or don't make it obvious. No crying over deaths, that kind of thing."

I already hate these rules.

"Be friendly_,_ I'm looking at you Katniss, to the other Victors. I can guarantee you'll hate a lot of them, but you give everyone a chance. If you were from District Eleven say, when you both won last year, no doubt meeting me this year you'd think I was an asshole and want to stay away, but look at us now." He opens his arms to me to emphasise his point and despite myself I smirk at him.

"How is that different? I _do _think you're an asshole and want to stay away."

"That charm will work on very few people. Good ol' Chaff might take you for it but just cause he's used to dealing with me."

"We already know you two are more alike than you care to admit." Peeta chimes in and I glare at him, just to prove I'm still mad.

"Honestly though, wanting to make friends so the whole thing is more bearable aside, being friendly, especially to the right people, can mean a lot for those girls in there. You'd know the Capitol's sweetheart, Finnick Odair, of course?"

How could anyone not know Finnick Odair. Disgusting, arrogant pig that he is. Haymitch laughs and must take my expression for assent.

"Think what you want of Finnick, but he gives anyone from Four a _huge_ advantage, because he knows the right people, who can give him not only big sponsors, but information which can make a huge difference. As a mentor, Finnick is one you want to not only watch, because his actions normally dictate what you should be doing, but also schmooze up to. You two should do well at that, he'll get a kick out of you."

"What on earth is that supposed to mean!" I reply, because I will _not_ allow the likes of Finnick to 'get a kick out of me'.

"You're feisty. Everything and everyone comes so easy to him, he likes a challenge."

"Katniss sure is challenging." Peeta agrees and I give him a withering glare, but allow him to kiss my cheek as I turn away.

"So don't get attached and make friends. Any other ground-breaking pieces of advice?"

Haymitch's face darkens and I know that his other rules must be very breakable compared to this one.

"Do not let yourself owe anyone _anything_. No matter how badly you need sponsors. You get sponsors by convincing people it is good for _them_ to sponsor your tributes. They will try and buy you. Whether it be sponsorship in exchange for taking you as a date to a party, or for you to come to tea with them. No matter how innocent the suggestion, no matter how much you think it would be nothing for you to say yes, how it could mean life or death for your tribute, you say no.Never, _ever_, be bought or sold. Because it seems nothing now, but I promise, it will be _everything_."

I nod and all at once I think of Finnick and his many Capitol loves and can't help but wonder if he didn't listen to that rule.

I will not become the next Finnick Odair.

Silence overcomes us and I let my attention shift to the television, seeing Caesar Flickerman apparently interviewing Plutarch Heavensbee. They appear in good humour – as most people do when paired with Caesar – and at my request, Peeta turns up the volume.

"-different this year, Caesar."

"We would be disappointed were they not! Though, I know I speak for our audience when I say that last year's Games are going to be tough to beat! Any sneaky hints? I promise the audience can keep a secret."

The crowd cheers in response and I roll my eyes. The excitement over a bloodbath will never fail to sicken me.

"All in good time, everything will be revealed in good time, I promise." Plutarch replies with a smirk and he manages to laugh off the groan of disappointment from the crowd.

"Well it seems someone's lips are sealed, probably best, need to make a good impression for your first year on the job!" I wonder only briefly if Caesar is making something of a political statement regarding Seneca Crane's timely death before realising the idea is preposterous. Caesar Flickerman is a slave to the Capitol lifestyle if I ever saw one. "Don't go too far, we'll be back with a replay of today's reapings, make sure you're ready to pick your favourites."

We're all silent as they shift to one of the highlights programs that always come up when they games are on, where Games officials and Capitol celebrities discuss their favourite past moments and speculate on what to expect this year. I grab the remote and turn the television off in disgust.

"I'm going to change out of this goddamn suit, especially since you spilt my food all over it, replays are in two hours, be here." Haymitch walks out, leaving Peeta and I alone and I slouch in my chair, thinking it may be my last chance for a lapse in posture.

"He's probably got the right idea. You go take first shower and get yourself comfortable." Peeta tells me, fiddling with the strap of my dress. "I'll even give you a massage when I'm done, you look like you could use one and us bakers are great with our hands."

I laugh indulgently and lean in to kiss him, bringing my hand to my shoulder to rest on his.

"What did I do to deserve you?" I ask, running circles on the back of his hand with my thumb.

"You gave me something to live for." He replies and I blush, leaning forward to kiss him in response.

He's right of course and I spend an eternity in the shower and upon realising none of the clothes they've supplied me at all are the kind of comfortable loungewear I want, I try Peeta's drawers and settle quickly on a pair of loose fitting sweat pants and a t-shirt. Peeta sits on the bed watching me and seems amused, going to the bathroom to take his own shower when I give him a pointed look suggesting I want to get changed. When I move to the sitting room I am smiling at the thought of Effie's face when she sees me, dressed in such an unladylike manner.

I realise I must have spent even longer in the shower than I thought because Peeta joins me after a very brief amount of time and it is not long after I settle on the floor in front of him and his hands begin working magic on my shoulders that Effie comes in shepherding the Brackett girls who she has obviously had cleaned up. Both are in sweet Capitol style dresses – the contrast of their comfort in the attire is a little amusing – and Effie must have had a few Avoxes in to have them showered and groomed more than living in the Seam allows.

She smiles at the pair of us and I am surprised I've been spared a lecture on the way I'm dressed but I assume the image of perfect happy couple is enough to outweigh how improper it is.

"Look at the two of you." She gushes, sitting with the girls on the large loveseat beside us. I smile at her, relaxed enough that I can't even bring myself to roll my eyes at her. The look of disgust Janine gives us before turning her attention to the television makes it clear she has about the same opinion of relationships as I did in her position a year ago. One part of me wants to move away so she'll take me seriously but Peeta's touch is too comforting for me to voluntarily move away from. We sit quietly for a few minutes listening as Effie chatters on to the girls and Marie hangs on her every word whilst Janine stares at the screen acting disinterested.

It's just as Caesar Flickerman is appearing on stage that Haymitch comes in, hair damp and in a pair of track pants and t-shirt which seem to be exercise gear, suggesting that the wardrobes here aren't totally personalised. He ignores the scathing look Effie gives him as he pours a drink, settling in the other recliner as Caesar introduces his guests.

They're the same kind of Capitol socialites they bring out every year, decked out in only the best. I'm surprised to see the Mockingjay styles back, feathers, navys and dark eyes which no doubt came back after the subtle accents Cinna brought into my wedding outfit. I cringe at the prospect of spending the next few weeks as one of these people. A quick glance at the girls reminds me why I must and I forget my distaste.

Peeta's hands move up my neck to my scalp and I close my eyes and remind myself to show a little restraint as I think of the last time he did this. As the program starts on the replays I push myself off the ground and settle on Peeta's lap, nestling my head on his shoulder and hanging my legs over the arm rest. He slips one arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to his chest and his other hand rests on my thigh.

The only one to comment through the replays is Effie, I just watch in conditioned horror as girl after girl walks up to that stage. There is a huge variety, seemingly more so than normal. The age spread seems quite even, which surprises me, as usually the cumulative effect means that generally the odds are in the favour of the younger ones and they are spared. I wonder if this has anything to do with the rebellion we saw on our Victory tour, if it is rigged that the Districts must watch more of their small children die, if rations have become so meagre that more and more are being forced to take the tesserae. When I glance at Janine as one young girl from nine comes on stage, I see her hoping she will be killed be someone else. It reminds me of the way I thought the same of Rue and I look away immediately.

Effie's enthusiasm wanes when they replay our district. Watching Janine scream and run for Marie, who stands numb and shocked as though she doesn't quite believe her name has been called.

When the replay ends and Caesar Flickermann is onscreen, sickeningly excited, Haymitch switches the program off in disgust and we sit in silence for a few moments. Peeta's hand which had been drawing patterns on my leg has long since stilled and I dare not look at his face, because I know that to do so would break my composure.

It is the pair of Avox from earlier entering to serve dinner that snaps us back to attention and under Effie's subdued insistence we gather around the table for the meal. Janine's determination from before has seemingly faltered, no doubt as she sees the faces of each girl that she knows must die for her sister to live. I wonder if she sees herself among them.

Effie speaks mostly with Marie, complimenting her dress and telling her about all the loveliest things in the Capitol. In her naivety the novelty of the discussion is enough to bring about a brightness in Marie that warms Janine, as if reminding her what she is fighting for. I can't bring myself to eat anything else that is served to me.

Effie must be feeling maternal, because she agrees to Marie's request and at the end of the meal, takes her to show her collection of dresses. When the pair leave, so does my only excuse for not discussing the elephant in the room, but my motivation from before has all but disappeared.

"What can you do? Anything, no matter how stupid it seems."

Sometimes I am so glad to have Haymitch with us.

"I can run alright. Mostly short and fast but I can run for a distance if I need to. Marie is pretty fast for her size as well."

"Good, I generally recommend flight over fight. If you can survive that's the most important thing because people seem to find a way of getting themselves killed in there." I wonder if Haymitch considers this an attempt at humour, but his grim expression lets me believe otherwise. "You will have to fight though, so what can you do?"

"Not a lot." She admits sheepishly. "I'm certainly not harbouring any secret proficiency in archery. I would chop wood for the old lady in the dress shop for a bit of money , so I can handle an axe okay?"

"Ah, Johanna Mason was deadly with an axe, that has some potential. Close combat?"

"I know where I know you from! You're the one that broke Johnny Callington's nose, aren't you?" Peeta suddenly exclaims.

Now that he mentions it, I remember it well. We'd been on the way out of school and Johnny had whistled at her and she turned around and punched him right in the face. Lucky for her Darius had been on duty and had roared with laughter, before sobering and reminding her of the law and that next time she'd get a whipping. I doubt she believed him but the hollering her mother gave her when she got home seemed to encourage her enough to refrain in the future. She grins reluctantly as Haymitch barks out a laugh, going to pour himself a drink.

"Perhaps all is not lost. Pass her the knives you two, see if she can hit that painting on the wall."

Haymitch flawlessly leads the discussion, moving between tips for hand to hand combat and showing her how to break free of a series of holds which he has Peeta demonstrate, having me direct her in throwing knives, which he comes to discover I am not perfect at as I once led him to believe, but admits that I have better technique than either himself or Peeta. The clock is nearing ten when he finally relents, suggesting we all rest in anticipation of the next day since we will almost certainly be eaten alive. Janine exits immediately with a goodnight and Haymitch doesn't protest when I pour myself a dash of his liquor in a glass and swig it down in one. I clear my throat to hold down the urge to cough as it burns at my throat, nothing like the bitter, yet fruity fizz of the champagne I've had to drink to keep up appearances at Capitol events.

"You two should head off as well." Haymitch says, gesturing in our direction with his glass. "You're going to be interviewed and gushed over and scrutinized on end and once the games start you won't have much opportunity for sleep, so you should make the most of it."

I agree, taking Peeta's hand as we stand and bidding Haymitch goodnight before making my way to our room.

Peeta lets go of my hand to close the door and when he turns back he gently pulls my shirt over my head, before leaning in to kiss me as he tugs on the drawstring of my pants before pushing them down so they fall to the floor. He lifts me and carries me to the bed, his lips moving to my neck and my eyes droop closed for a moment as the gesture relaxes me. He sits me on the edge of the bed and pulls back, smiling.

"You're tired." He tells me.

"I'm sorry." I murmur, taking his hands in mine. "I want you, so much, I just…"

"You're just tired, rightfully so." He pulls the covers back and lies down, tugging my hand to have me lie beside him. As I lie against the mattress, which is even softer than I remember from last year, his arm comes around my shoulders and when I rest my head on his chest, my stresses immediately begin to melt away. I let out a sigh of relief resting my hand on his stomach.

"I wasn't kidding, if I wasn't already half asleep I'd be tearing your clothes off."

He chuckles quietly, his hand settling on top of mine.

"Sleep now, we have all the time in the world."


End file.
